terça-feira, 29 de janeiro de 2008

Hallelujah...

Well I heard there was a secret chord
that David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do ya?
Well it goes like this :
The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah...

acho que tenho um problema de visão... Não estou a brincar, acho mesmo que tenho um problema de visão, mais especificamente de contraste...
Apercebi-me recentemente que o mundo parece-me sempre um pouco enevoado e as cores meio esbatidas, e de vez em quando há dias encobertos (ou enublados se preferirem) em que vejo o que costumo chamar "mundo real". Nesses dias tudo parece mais nítido e as coisas têm profundidade, eu consigo ver diferenças entre o "ruído de fundo" e as árvores, edifícios, pessoas...


Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya
And she tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah...

Nesses dias... (ou melhor vamos começar de outra maneira)
Eu gosto desses dias, embora sejam um pouco tristes, porque apesar de ver as cores reais, perco o espaço que tinha para imaginar as cores com que poderia pintar o mundo...

(Yeah but) Baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor, (You know)
I used to live alone before I knew ya
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
and love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah...

há quem diga que isto é uma das minhas maiores fraquezas...

Passo tanto tempo a imaginar, a pintar as minhas telas e a fazer as minhas próprias músicas, que me perco da realidade. Dizem que passo a vida a sonhar e a refugiar-me do mundo em planos de existência que estão apenas somente na minha cabeça (há também quem diga que isso é uma doença mental...). E há dias.... enublados (ou encobertos talvez) em que a realidade se impõe em mim. Em que me esmaga os sentidos com todas as impressões com que marca as várias zonas do meu cérebro (ou será ao contrário....).

Well there was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me do ya
But remember when I moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

Hallelujah...

Nesses dias... ou melhor...
Eu gosto desses dias, embora sejam um pouco tristes, porque nesses dias estou no mundo e ele em mim, apesar de perder um pouco daquilo com que estava a sonhar...

Maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelu...
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelu...
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

E depois há alturas em que paramos e pensamos,
em que tudo o que vemos, sentimos e ouvimos tem um sentido mais real, mais apurado. Há dias em que frases repetidas mil vezes fazem de repente sentido, gestos mecânicos são parados por um travão de segurança que existe algures na nossa cabeça...

e paramos e pensamos...

Hallellllluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuujjjaahhhh...Hallelllluuuuuujjaaaaaaaaaahhhh

Hoje não foi um dia enublado, mas foi encoberto
(com aquela maneira estranha de aparecer que têm estes dias...)




Hoje não foi um dia encoberto, mas foi enublado
(com aquela mania estranha de aparecer que têm esses dias...)

Hallelujah...

terça-feira, 22 de janeiro de 2008

saturated loneliness...

"Well I wish there was someone
Well I wish there was someone to love me
When I used to be someone
and I knew there was someone that loved me
as I sit here frozen alone
even ghosts get tired and go home
as they crawl back under the stones

And I wish there was something
please tell me there's something better
and I wish there was something more than this
Saturated loneliness

and I wish I could feel it
and I wish I could steal it
abduct it, corrupt it
but I never can, it's just
Saturated loneliness

Does the silence get lonely
Does the silence get lonely
Who knows?
I've been hearing it tell me
I've been hearing it tell me, "go home"
'cause the freaks are playing tonight
they packed up and turned out the lights
And I wish there was something
please tell me theres something better
and I wish there was something more than this
Saturated loneliness

and I wish I could feel it
and I wish I could steal it
abduct it, corrupt it
but I never can, it's just saturated loneliness

and the bathwaters cold
and this life's getting old

and I wish I could feel it
and I wish I could feel it
and I wish I could steal it
abduct it, corrupt it
and I wish I could feel it
and I wish I could steal it
and I wish I could feel it
abduct it, corrupt it
but I never can,
I never can
never can
never can
never can"
- Tearjerker, Korn

terça-feira, 15 de janeiro de 2008

winters sad song....



i am 22 years old...
and today i just wandered like a lost child in the rain...
Snow can wait
I forgot my mittens
Wipe my nose
Get my new boots on
I get a little warm in my heart
When I think of winter
I put my hand in my father's glove
I run off
Where the drifts get deeper
Sleeping beauty trips me with a frown
I hear a voice
"Your must learn to stand up for yourself
Cause I can't always be around"
He says
When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change my dear


i think i was just needind it...
i wanted to feel the cold...
the cold touch of the water...
to remember that i was alive...

somehow i looked at the new me...
and i just realized that it would never be ME...
i could never be that...
those...
whatever...
i could not imagine my dreams all coming true at once
cause imagining doesn't make them real...

in truth i tried to change...
only to see that what i am...
i am to every single cell of my being
i am the wanderer...
the eternal player...
the loner walking with a backpack
and with music...
always with music...
with dreams in my heart
and [really trying to have] logic in my head...

so i just wandered in the rain...
till i was soaked to the bones...
and my soul warmed to the core...

Boys get discovered as winter melts
Flowers competing for the sun
Years go by and I'm here still waiting
Withering where some snowman was
Mirror mirror where's the crystal palace
But I only can see the myself
Skating around the truth who I am
But I know dad the ice is getting thin
When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change my dear



it is hard to imagine
the power of every single drop of cold water,
washing away every unfinished prayers and wishes
forming a lake under my feet
and giving form to every resolution...

the kind i don't make in the first day of the year...
the kind of resolution that you can only make
under the rain that falls heavily on you
and makes you feel clean...
the cold droplets that make you feel alive!

i wandered till i started to feel my heart blazing
with the warmth that can only come from the joy
of understanding that you found
one more missing piece of the huge puzzle
that is me
my world and reality
and even my dreams....
Hair is grey
And the fires are burning
So many dreams
On the shelf
You say I wanted you to be proud of me
I always wanted that myself
He says
When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses have gone ahead
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change
My dear

i let the cold rain down on me...
till every tear of the sky was wept...
[just to be sure it woun't happen anytime soon...]
and went home....
to pour down all that had dawned on me
in this post...



[e depois lembrei-me deste post
percebo-te tão bem...
escreves e descreves tão bem aquilo que penso...
que sinto...
hoje precisava desse post...
e dessa doçura tão cândida...
tal e qual a do Principezinho...]

sábado, 12 de janeiro de 2008

What doesn't kill us, make us stronger...

I made this friday while one of the pHDs of my lab was defending her thesis...

this is for her...

"When we start something, specially a long project, we don't have the slightest clue of how it will turn out...the problems, the wrongs, and the rights... we can only try to get a head start or a wild guess...but we cannot predict what will happen...and as time goes by we can only dance to the rythm of his unique tune, trying to avoid the "feet" of our unseen partner.
Time...time is not a kind teacher, nor a forgiving one, and he will flow against all our wishes and prayers. To stand the test of time and endure the pain it may cause with his flowing takes a lot of strenght, determination and courage. But even more courage is needed to stand after the ground has been pulled under our feet...to continue to walk after being knoncked down and finish what we started (what seems a lifetime ago...).
However, the joy of seeing this through...to watch what we imagined to take form and grow beyond ourselves, may, somewhat, make it all worthwhile...and even though there are things that leave a mark so deep that seem to sufocate all around us, the strenght and determination that carried us this far WILL carry us on again through good and bad times...

What doesn't kill makes us stronger...."

quarta-feira, 9 de janeiro de 2008

Starlight...time is running out...

às vezes tenho medo...

tenho muito medo de estagnar...
de ficar parada e não conseguir avançar...
de perder oportunidades
(que olham para mim olhos nos olhos e me dizem APROVEITA)
para ficar à espera daquilo que poderá não vir...

tenho medo de ver a vida seguir em frente
de boleia no último autocarro das sete...
e eu chegue atrasada
(não por uma hora...
mas AQUELE segundo que esperei demais...)


tenho medo de quando olhar para o lado
já não tenha os meus companheiros de corrida...
e ao olhar para trás ver que na verdade
todos eles me ultrapassaram
e se olhar em frente não vejo nem o pó da estrada...

tenho medo de não conseguir seguir em frente
e descobrir o mundo que tenho para descobrir
aprender tudo aquilo que quero aprender...

tenho medo de não ser capaz....


neste preciso momento....

estou ATERRORIZADA pelos próximos meses...

por aquilo que podem significar para TANTAS COISAS diferentes...

tanta coisa a depender de TÃO POUCO TEMPO...

Por isso respiro fundo...
uma, duas, três, MUITAS vezes....

calço os meu ténis
(porque vou ter muito que andar)

visto um blusão com capuz e bem quentinho
(que me protegem contra todas as tempestades)

coloco o cachecol que a minha tia fez para mim
(e que tanta gente acha tão fofinho...)

ponho os meus phones
(os meus mais fieis companheiros)

com a pen a tocar em modo random
(o que vier virá)

agarro na mochila e no meu livro
(porque quero ter alguém com quem conversar pelo caminho...)

e PARTO

em busca

de respostas,
(mas mais importante)

de perguntas
(a fazer, a descobrir,
a encaixar como peças de um puzzle)


de novas músicas,
(e de com quem as cantar)

novos livros,
(e de mais coisas para aprender)

parto em busca do (de um???) desconhecido
(do meu desconhecido...)

parto em busca do mundo



e no fundo...

de mim...


[
something that hasn't
a lot of relation to all of this...
well...
maybe it has too much...

this music definitely
means to F**K*** much to me....

i really tried...
really, really...
but unfortunately for me....
Starlight


i can't seem to let you go....]

segunda-feira, 7 de janeiro de 2008

mAkE tHiS... bEgInInG gEt... cHaSiNg.... YOU

Há dias de manhã em que uma pessoa à tarde não se devia levantar da cama para sair de casa à noite...

So....
today was just another f**K*** day?


not really...
it wasn't such a bad day...


but yet you didn't stop singing
these musics...

and alhough i really love music...
it somehow touched-a-not-to-good-spot-of-my-mind-
that-somehow-i-thought-i-had-forgotten-
but-in-the-end-it-was-a-little(BIG)-too-much-
present-in-my-head(or-my-stupid-heart)...

so when i was with you i just wanted to say:
Make This Go On Forever

[Please don't let this turn into something it's not
I can only give you everything I've got
I can't be as sorry as you think I should
But I still love you more than anyone else could

All that I keep thinking throughout this whole flight
Is it could take my whole damn life to make this right
This splintered mast I'm holding on won't save me long
Because I know fine well that what I did was wrong

The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love

We have got through so much worse than this before
What's so different this time that you can't ignore
You say it is much more than just my last mistake
And we should spend some time apart for both our sakes

The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love

The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love

And I don't know where to look
My words just break and melt
Please just save me from this darkness

And I don't know where to look
My words just break and melt
Please just save me from this darkness]

but then i thought:
It's Beginning To Get To Me

[I want something
That's purer than the water
Like we were

It's not there now
Ineloquence and anger
Are all we have

Like Saturn's rings
An icy loop around me
Too hard to hold

Lash out first
At all the things we don't like
Or understand

And it's beginning to get to me
That I know more of the stars and sea
Than I do of what's in your head
Barely touching in our cold bed

Are you beginning to get get my point
That all this fighting with aching joints
It's doing nothing but tire us out
No one knows what this fight's about

The answer phone
The lonely sound of your voice
Frozen in time

I only need
The compass that you gave me
To guide me on

And it's beginning to get to me
That I know more of the stars and sea
Than I do of what's in your head
Barely touching in our cold bed

Are you beginning to get get my point
That all this fighting with aching joints
It's doing nothing but tire us out
No one knows what this fight's about

It's so thrilling but also wrong
Don't have to prove that you are so strong
'Cause I can carry you on my back
After our enemies attack

I tried to tell you before I left
But I was screaming under my breath
You are the only thing that makes sense
Just ignore all this present tense

We need to feel breathless with love
And not collapse under its weight
I'm gasping for the air to fill
My lungs with everything I've lost

We need to feel breathless with love
And not collapse under its weight
I'm gasping for the air to fill
My lungs with everything I've lost]


That i was simply....
Chasing Cars

[We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?]

and at the end of the day...
nothing but the music remains...

you stoped my music one time before...
but somehow i am one again...
i think that's because i love music too much...
because even hurting when
i hear some songs...
i cannot stop liking them...
i think that is because
i am music...

it lives in me...
as i live only through it...

a-weird-paradox-kind-of-the-one-i-have-with-you-with-all-
these-feelings-of-belonging-but-yet-a-furious-rage-
because-of-the-pain-you-have-put-me-through-
and-the-calm-serenity-for-facing-the-fact-that-only-time-
will-repair-the-damage-that-you-made-and-
the-kind-of-feeling-
of-hate-and-love-that-you-make-me-feel-
whenever-you-are-near...
the-stupid-and-(yet-so)-sweet-kind-of-unhoping-hope-that-you'll-have-your
EYES OPEN
just-for-this-one-time...


and as you start to sing again...
i could only think

that i would like for you to

make this go on forever...



although
its begining to get to me

that after all i'm just
Chasing Cars...